!!/tea @JourneymanGeek

@BelovedFool that kind of attack needs to stop.

@Tinkeringbell are you back in the trenches?

@JourneymanGeek would you consider stepping back up to moderate mse?

@JourneymanGeek Yeah. Our Labrador has had an upset stomach over last weekend. The mess stank like hell, but I cleaned it all up with love. It's rough when things like this happen, you only want your pets to be happy and healthy.

@BelovedFool someone needs to start warning and suspending people

MSE is a wold of hurt and stress. JMG needs and deserves a break, not more of it.

@Snow it was a question to JMG - he can always say no.

@BelovedFool is Tinkeringbell back?

@YvetteColomb I just care for my friend.

too many helpful rude /unkind comment flags raises an auto flag, but it requires a moderator to action it

@Snow ofc! and so do I. It's an unhappy situation for all concerned, that's for sure :(

@JourneymanGeek You asked the Team to return you mean?

I asked also fwiw

they said to wait until they've rolled out the new mod reinstatement process

we can use a contact form and ask that way

CMs will review it and say yay or nay

@JourneymanGeek you'll need to ping @Catija about this. It should only take two CMs to reinstate a mod.

I think the lack of response is being snowed under

The resquest might have been buried somewhere.

@JourneymanGeek ikr! it's hard. I've been emailing Tim and feel dreadful guilt. But I've been honestly offering to take some of the load.

@Snow yep. That's what I reckon is happening all over the place - and then people feel hurt for not hearing back when it's really not personal this time

Too many emails of good intent can also end up being a bad thing...

fwiw @JourneymanGeek I'd like to see you back.

And I imagine the team have a TON of emails to process.

@Snow ofc

@JourneymanGeek the site really needs to be cleaned up with a strict hand. What do you think?

@BelovedFool ?

@JourneymanGeek oh there's plenty of stirrers enjoying this - for sure

the humiliating thing is - we look like idiots to the outside world. You know what I mean?

@BelovedFool yeh that's a good idea

@JourneymanGeek oh it's the users who are burning the place down. People can disagree, but people still need to be held accountable for the pile on. There's only so much pointing the finger at the network that can excuse or justify the mess that is on the site tbh

@JourneymanGeek that 100 times that! It should be part of the CoC

@JourneymanGeek ofc you do, most of the active meta userbase diagrees :)

agree, but in a site so big - it needs to be in black and white

it's hard managing a site so nbig

black and white - as in ink on paper

@BelovedFool part of the problem is pile on.

@Magisch it's impossible to keep everyone happy, even in a smaller more collected group - let alone a global site like this

@Cerbrus feints lol

@BelovedFool agree

hehe no he couldn't

I like Jeff - he's authentic

what you see is what you get type of authentic

exactly!

I have to do some work. I'll pop in later. good to chat folks

yep understanding something on an intellectual level is different from the emotional reactions we may get. I can understand on an intellectual level why people get upset with some of my posts and comments. I can see why they're upset and feel like I'm dismissing them or dictating to them. At the same time I feel hurt at times by the things people say, even though I know they are also defending the site for similar reasons to me. We have different perspectives. 1/2

So having the logic is one thing, also having the basic emotional need to belong socially is another. We all have the basic animal need to belong and be a part of the community. Our primitive brains require this to survive. So when people are met with a load of downvotes or comments disagreeing - a part of the brain can go "boing" "I'm being shut out of the group. I'm vulnerable. a sabre tooth tiger is gonna eat me. help" That's what we're struggling with. 2/2

and one more bit :)

so while we have big fat frontal lobes that we can use to reason, we all have emotional baggage - it's impossible not to. We all have pasts. We all have different cultures. we are taught that being professional is being "unemotional and all logic" But we are still animals with base emotions, instincts and needs and these need to be acknowledged on some level so we can then use our frontal lobes - otherwise we're left dealing with the emotions. Obviously it's more complex than 3 chat comments

@Cerbrus yes and know. It's still deep down in every person's primitive self. It's just people don't always acknowledge it and it's more obvious when it's threatened. So by taking unpopular stances for eg puts an individual at odds with the wider community and threatens that position more. Taking a popular stance reinforces that belonging. So the underlying primitive need - being met - is not as obvious.

@Cerbrus ofc - it's hard to provide a summary in 3 comments, it's an idea

yeh some cultures if you don't use please thank you and salutations you're rude

others it's like - you're wasting my time and being insincere

so it's really difficult to navigate - cultural differences , religious differences, gender differences, position within the family, the actual family culture, disabilities, emotional issues, past trauma the list is endless

@JourneymanGeek well ofc - it's impossible to discuss without some generalisations

The things I like about the "Dutch" (generalisation) is they are direct - but at times it can feel brutal lmao!

I worked with a Dutch girl, she'd married an Aussie guy with Dutch parents. She was so blunt to a point she was considered rude. I knew her welll enough to talk to her about it and she said - "yeh my husband tells me the same thing"

@JourneymanGeek yep please elaborate - this is interesting

@Cerbrus interestingly I was born more into a culture like that - which is why I'm a bit agist - expect the youth to respect the elders.

@JourneymanGeek what do you mean by giving and showing face?

@Cerbrus no wonder we've been clashing. Wow. This is good to know. I've been offending you

@Cerbrus lol I didn't know what I was doing that was the biggest cause of upset - aside from complaining ofc

@JourneymanGeek so even in an extremely heated scene the people will be super polite? Nod, acknowledge each other etc?

@Cerbrus one aspect per day is good

digestible

@JourneymanGeek yep! I get it

@Magisch oh I relate best to theUS and British cultures - our culture was based on those

@JourneymanGeek ok so now for anglo saxon, french and Indian please

so if you get emotional with a Chinese person (disclaimer generalistaion) it's like causing a scene and really bad

hm it's interesting

@Magisch is sarcasm allowed?

@JourneymanGeek so it's hard to get to the heart of the issue? there's a lot of niceness icing around the cake of the problem

@JourneymanGeek hm

scenes are not uncommon here - within limits though

@JourneymanGeek yeh so are we - but there's got to be disclaimers to them- like parameters

@Tinkeringbell are you actively moderating? we heard you were on a break

@JourneymanGeek your community likes that? So the romantic display or gift of generosity or as a host

@JourneymanGeek "and the whole grand guestures and shock and awe thing" what are you refering to there?

@BelovedFool I want to know if the parrot is moderating and the parrot needs to answer me - as anyone else asking

@JourneymanGeek ofc - but there's also truths in these.

@JourneymanGeek in American culture?

that's a good observation

same over here. People pull rank on experience

@BelovedFool that's fantastic

I found this and it's very interesting and highlights how damaging it is to ignore people.

@BelovedFool yep

@Magisch what is?

@JourneymanGeek que?

same

I'm actually saying I hate being ignored, particularly when it's by someone I need to communicate with. It's destructive and in it's own way pushes me out of the room and off the site. There's only two mods on the site and this is the first time I've seen one in here for a long while. So being ignored by that mod is not ok

it's not like ignoring @Shadow.. :D

that is a reasonable question.

yeh I g2g too

@JourneymanGeek erm the only exception I have with that - is everyone is entitled to the same respect and space. The lack of moderation of the site is causing people to be piled on and people are not respecting their space. And all hell breaks out when I've asked for my space - both on the site and in chat. So there needs to be some honest two way respect there.

also you keep answering for another person.

is this comment ok

also why was I banned?

@user58 why was I just banned from the room?

@user58 NC?

@JourneymanGeek hm interesting

so much abuse on the site and you talk about not being too strict

it seems selective on who the person is tbh

well clearly there's no support to be had for me on this site. Shame

@JourneymanGeek nope it reminds me of TL and everything I can't handle about the site

it's ok for the people who are in with the group

the protection only extends to some people

don't worry. I'm going

@Cerbrus it is about me